I am not feeling well. I have not been feeling well for about year. What we thought was just a terrible pregnancy has turned into.... well we don't know what. I do know I am sick and/or in pain on a daily basis.
I have kept this on the down low for a few reasons {mainly because I don't like talking about it} (hint, hint) but have decided I need to ask for prayer. I believe in the power of prayer. I have seen many healings first hand. My husband being one of those -- he was healed from chronic back pain. So why wouldn't I ask!?
I have an appointment on Monday with a Lyme Disease "Specialist" Please pray I find answers. A solution. Relief.
I know when people are sick we want to help. For now we are fine on food and child care {i could use a cleaning lady..any takers ;)}
You can help by simply praying if I come to your mind {especially for my upcoming appointment} Thank you friends.
Well my friends, the time has come for me to say goodbye to the world of cyberspace.
{for now}
While I think the internet is an AMAZING way to connect with people, share our lives and and also spread the love of Christ, I've been feeling {for quite some time} that I need to shut down for a bit.
I love sharing my thoughts and life here, yet I am afraid I've been hiding behind my computer.
I feel impressed to leave my comfort zone {behind this screen} and share in the lives of those around me. I want to be face to face with you. I want to have you to my home to hear what's going on in your life and to share what's going on in mine. I want to meet my neighbors in person. I want FACE time with people.
I will continue reading your blogs and updates and may occasionally update myself if something BIG is going on -- like another baby or something {totally kidding}.
Pray for me as I step out. Pray for boldness and courage. And expect an invite to our place so I {and my family} can get to know you {and your family} better!
It's been a while since I've written {really written}.
I've been silent not only on my blog but in general.
This last year has been hard. Nothing totally devastating has happened but a lot of little things have definitely taken their toll on my spirit.
As I've been pondering and praying this past week, I've realized I have let my guard down.
Have you ever come through a season of life where God was just totally moving? You witnessed miracles! Received answers to prayer after prayer. You felt passionate and on fire, wanting to tell every person you encountered about the love of Christ!
I was just in that place! I was taking part in street ministry, I was praying for random people at the grocery store! I witnessed healing after healing! I WAS ON FIRE!
What happened?
There are days I hardly feel like going to church let alone doing street ministry. There are days I wonder how in the world can I lead worship when I can't sing the songs with the authority and passion I once had.
What happened? I got comfortable. I got lazy. I got busy.
As soon as my guard came down, the enemy was quick to attack. It doesn't take much for the enemy to grab hold of us. He knows our weaknesses, he knows what distracts us. And he's sneaky. I didn't realize just how close he had gotten.
But it has become quite clear he is here and he is on a mission. He is determined to steal my joy. He is determined to kill my passion for Christ. And he is determined to destroy my marriage, my ministry, my focus.
He loves that my focus is on Sarah, not Jesus. He loves that I'm so caught up in my own problems that I'm not gonna stop and pray for someone else's. He loves that he has stolen my joy as I lead worship and has replaced it with fear and anxiety.
But God is good. He has been stirring my heart. He has reminded me that he is still moving! He is still doing miracles! He is still answering prayers! He is still healing the sick! And he still wants to use me.
He's just waiting for me to jump back into the game!
I'm ready.
Awaken my heart Lord. Fill me with a passion for you. Light a fire in my soul. Strengthen me for the battle. Silence the enemy. Speak your truth to my spirit. Show me your heart.
This is not only my prayer for myself but my prayer for you.
Drum roll please.... The dining room is finished! {actually there is some detail work left but it's good enough to share some photos}
Our little 'snack' hutch Remember the green paint? 3 coats later... and I love it.
The built in corner cupboard. Again, love.
The bay window. This thing was a mother to paint. And although you can't see the wonderful paint job just look at the view we get to enjoy during dinner.
The front of our home. We totally love this house. It feels like home. It is the perfect home for us. I feel like I'm living in a sweet little {er, big} farm house -- totally me.
Speaking of farms..Meet Pecker. Our sweet little girls have named one of our chickens, Pecker. Oh dear. Today Ruby came running inside screaming and I mean screaming, "PECKERS OUT! PECKERS OUT!"
What the neighbors must think.
So there is a peek of our progress! Andy and I were so thrilled with the finished dining room. We were smiling, high fiving And then.. we realized our dryer ruined 3 loads YES 3 LOADS of laundry. I didn't know if I should cry, kick the dryer or go sit in the dining room and enjoy our accomplishment and worry about the dryer {and all our ruined clothes} tomorrow.
I'll cry tomorrow. :)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Loved this post by my sweet friend Jeane' If you're a mama check it out!
I'm a huge fan of Jeane's blog. She keeps mommy-hood real with a sense of humor! Did I mention she has 5 tiny tots?!?! And did I mention she brought me cookies and wine this week!!!:):)
This post is for a very special little girl, Miss Bailey :)
Bailey is my cousin's daughter. It seems Bailey and I have a lot in common as we both love to sing and dance!
My playlist has been empty much to Bailey's dismay.
She requested I add music so she could sing and dance...
Well here you go Bailey! These are just a few of my favorite praise and worship songs. I tried to have a good mix of slow (ballet like) songs and then some rock out and dance your heart out songs!
So crank up the music and dance and sing your heart out sweet Bailey! (I'm going to too;))
Sometimes marriage is HARD. But it's always worth fighting for. We give up to easily these days.. I'll be the first to brag about my husband, or tell you how madly in love we are. But there are days 'my love' drives me insane (and i'm just guessing here but i'm sure i have gotten under his skin a time or two). there have been days I've wanted to leave. But we have chosen to fight for our marriage. Our love.
Press on my friends. Don't take the easy way out. Fight for your love. REAL LOVE IS HARD LOVE.
I'm pooped. Wait... Isn't that how my last post started? Yes, yes it is.
In addition to daily life and unpacking we've decided to fill our spare time doing this ...
The above rooms are our dining room and family room which we are preparing to paint. So far we've stripped wallpaper, did some sanding and priming, and will begin painting tomorrow! Actually our good friend, Gary has offered to do the painting. We're just doing the prep work. I'm super excited (and a tinsy bit nervous) to see my vision come to life. Hopefully the reality is as good as the picture in my mind! I love doing stuff like this! Gives me a break from laundry and dishes :) ..............................
And just an FYI most of you know but I've had a few confused friends --
As Andy and I began the building process it became very clear this was NOT the direction we were to be taking. We did not have a peace about any of it and as much as we wanted to build we could not go through with it in good conscience. But we had already sold our house...quite a predicament. Until we got a call from Andy's aunt (a realtor) saying she thought we should look at the house for sale that was RIGHT NEXT to the property where we were going to build. We walked through, prayed, slept on it and and quickly knew it was our house. I love old houses. I love the character. (ok sometimes i dislike the character -- like the stair well that is so narrow you can hardly fit your mattress up) But this house is even more special since Andy's grandparents built it and his father was BORN and raised here. FUN, huh!?
So that's the scoop! And that's why we are scraping wallpaper and painting our 'NEW' house.
Holy. Cow. I'm pooped. This whole no sleep thing is for the birds. Ezra is doing great and adjusting to a 3rd child has been easier than I thought, only because I {kinda} know what I am doing. BUT life never stops! Someone is always in need of something. ALWAYS.
I have to laugh and share this: Yesterday was a BAD day. I was running on very little sleep and was in the grouchiest mood ever. Sophie happened to be grouchy as well. {not a good combo} Well by the end of the day Sophie and I had had it with each other. Andy walked in the door after a long day at market and I think all 4 of us {Sophie, Ruby, Ezra and myself} were ALL crying. Hahaha! It's funny now but at the time I wanted to run away for a little while. And I'm pretty sure Andy did too! Lucky for him he had another long market day today:)
Today was much better {probably because Ezra slept 6 hours straight last night - hooray} We had several visitors, did some baking, and no tears:)
I have been so thankful for God's grace and faithfulness the past few weeks. I'm still waking up at 5am but not to spend time with the Lord. I'm feeding Ezra with one eye open and then the girls are up and rearing to go and they are going until 8pm I get Ezra settled and fed for bed and then I -- CRASH.
I have not had my daily time with Jesus {I talk w/ him all day as I do my work} but just sitting and soaking in His presence has not happened for quite awhile. I miss it terribly. Oh how I miss it. But He is faithful. I often feel him close, even though I haven't taken the time to meet with him he is still faithful to meet with me when I need it the most. I've realized more than ever how much I NEED Him. I need his strength and grace to get me through these long days. I am astounded and thankful that he is faithful even when I am not.
So tonight I go to bed exhausted but knowing that His mercies are new every morning.
Looking forward to tomorrow {Andy's day off!} Maybe I can catch a nap and some QT with Jesus!
We did it. We survived the month of March (with only a few minor {OK, maybe 1 major}meltdowns)!
A baby and a house within 2 1/2 weeks. CRAZY!
But with the help of you, our family and friends we pulled it off!
We love, love, love our new home! We are so excited to make it ours with a few family photos, kids art work and some fresh paint.
We are most excited about the memories that will be made here. Memories as a family and memories with our friends! We anticipate many picnics, family gatherings, and parties in the future! Our hope is to get somewhat settled and then instead of a house warming we will host a ' Thank You' picnic, for all our family and friends who helped us pack, move, unpack, made us meals, and for those who have already signed up to help paint! Give us a few weeks though;)
Our sincerest thanks. We are blessed. And so thankful.
I'm sure some of you (missy) were hoping for pics but I'm too tired and busy to take any right now. (did I mention having 3 kids is insane?) :)
Since I won't be posting pics feel free to come visit! You are welcomed to pop over and say hey anytime.. as long as you rock a baby or unpack a box or two;) Seriously, come see us.
Well I'm bumming internet from Seth until ours is hooked up and it's rather slow so I better sign off and get to work!
Happy Sunday.
ps call our cell numbers if you need us, Our phone will not be hooked up until the end of the week!
So I discovered a few things tonight. I discovered I am self absorbed, proud, selfish, and judgmental. {I'm sure there are other things I could add to this list but these were the specific ones brought to my attention}. Not by a person but by the Holy Spirit.
Ouch. Not the way I'd like to describe myself. God revealed these things to me but the point of revealing them was not to bring me down or point out all my flaws {I do believe he pointed these out because they need corrected} but after pointing them out he said, "I love you"
He loves me. This woman full of pride and selfishness. This woman who judges and puts herself higher than others. He loves me. He calls me beloved. He delights in me. He calls me daughter.
I've been thinking about this all day. Why? How? How can God love a person like me?
I will never understand his love for me. But I have felt it. I have experienced it. It is real. It is powerful. It is life changing.
No matter where you are, No matter how terrible a person you may think you are, He. Loves. You.
His greatest desire is for you to know that love. Really know his love.
We all carry baggage, we all sin, we all fall short.. don't let those things keep you from experiencing Christ. The devil will desperately try to hold those things over you to keep you from the love of God, because he knows if you experience God's love, you will be FOREVER changed and he will no longer have a grip on you and your life.
God sees past our ugliness. He sees past the mistakes. He knows our failures and our weaknesses--yet HE LOVES US.
He loves you. Is your heart pounding out of your chest as you read this? That's him. Let him love you.
How is this even possible? I am pregnant as I type this yet I cannot wrap my head around the fact that a human being is growing inside of me.
I cannot wrap my head around the fact that my skin is able to stretch the way it has.
I cannot figure out how I do not just topple over whenever I attempt to stand or walk . {i did topple over last week much to my family's amusement}
I am still in awe at the complexity of our bodies. How God has designed everything to work together. Every tiny detail. It truly is amazing. Mind boggling.
I can't believe it's the end of February. Time has been dragging, yet it has flown!
As we enter into March, we enter into a season of major transition. Baby Byler will be making his debut and we will be moving. (and we'll be saying goodbye to winter--hallelujah!)
The last several months have been filled with anticipation, stress, surprises, worry, decisions, excitement.. well pretty much every emotion a human can feel! (mixed in with raging pregnancy hormones, bless my husband)
As we begin this adventure our prayer is that we would receive the blessings God has poured out on us. We would not allow anxiety or stress or feelings of being overwhelmed to cast a shadow on these events that are to be SO full of JOY! I know there will be challenges. Sleepless nights. Long days. Sleepless nights. Lots of painting. Sleepless nights. 2 young children adjusting to a baby and a new house. Sleepless nights. (i like my sleep if you haven't caught on) But I pray I (we) see the good. I pray I allow myself to experience these moments. I pray I can look into my sons eyes even at 2am and be filled with pure joy. I pray my days would be intentional and productive. I pray this time of change will bring my family closer together and cause an even greater dependency on Christ. I pray for a spirit of peace and calmness in our home.
I pray that we will look back at this year -- 2011 not as one of chaos but as one of the greatest years of our lives. A year filled with memories. A year filled with God's goodness. A year of blessings.
Would you join us in praying for these things? I know there will be challenges and moments of frustration but I also know that he hears our prayers and his heart is for us to live a good, abundant life full of his joy and peace. All we need to do is ask for it and then receive it.
Thank you friends. Things may be quiet here for a while as we are busy preparing, but feel free to check in or send your hellos!:)
This morning I was not feeling well. (we've been fighting the stomach bug since friday) Andy had left for work and I was laying in bed thinking how I was going to get these girls up and organized for school.
Just then my early {early} riser waltzes in my room with a cheerful 'Good morning, mommy' Then she spotted "the bowl" The bowl has been making it's rounds, and you do not want to be in possession of the bowl!
She said "oh no, you have the bug!" Can I get you a Sprite? My heart melted. As I lay there sipping my Sprite, I heard lots of banging in the kitchen OH DEAR. She returned to my room shortly after with 2 bowls of fresh fruit, and said 'I'll feed Ruby breakfast, mom.' My heart {still melted from the Sprite offer} ooozed with pride. About an hour later she came in completely dressed, backpack and coat on. She then informed me she laid clothes out for Ruby and they were on her bed when I was ready to dress her. Speechless.
I am feeling MUCH better {the Lord spared me from what my family had experienced} I left my bedroom to begin disinfecting and found: A made bed with Ruby's clothes{completely color coordinated} folded nicely on top. A toothbrush with a drop of toothpaste ready and waiting for her little sister. And the empty fruit bowls in the sink.
My six year old completely and totally took care of her mother and little sister with no one asking her to do so. She went above and beyond anything I would even think to ask her to do! WOW.
I'm not a huge lover of Valentine's Day. I probably would be but my husband has convinced me it's a commercial holiday (smart man, convincing me to dislike a day set aside for flowers and mushy cards).
But I do like to feel special and I enjoying making my loved ones feel special. I was laying in bed last night thinking about ways I could make my family feel {extra} loved on this day set aside for love!
As I was thinking, memories from my childhood filled my mind. My mom ALWAYS made me feel special and loved, especially on holidays. {every holiday: Valentines, St. Patty's, Easter, Flag Day..} That didn't mean she bought me elaborate gifts but she did small things that to this day I remember and they still make me feel loved and special! A treasure hunt leading to a basket of goodies, a note waiting for me on the counter next to a plate of heart shaped cookies, small things that in my eyes were HUGE.
My girls are old enough now to begin making memories. I want them to have memories to look back on like I do. It's such a special thing.
So laying in bed I came up with the grand plan to have a special candlelit dinner. As much as I wanted to go all out, I also did not want to spend money and I only had 12 hours to be creative. So it would need to be simple. I decided to go through the house and gather anything pink or red. I came up with a decent amount of things and got decorating!
It turned out cute enough, {the kids thought it was gorgeous, that's what matters} and we had a special candlelit dinner in the dining room.
I hope and pray this will be something they remember. A special night of feeling loved. A special memory to look back on when they are mommies.
And an extra special surprise for mommy CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES!!! My favorite! Not only were they delish {i already ate 5...what? I didn't want them to go bad} But they made me feel {extra} loved. Thanks babe.
So we're not huge fans of the 'commercial holiday' But come on who doesn't want a little love?
If you recall a few weeks ago I received a great revelation from the Lord, 'GO TO BED EARLIER' 'WAKE UP EARLY AND TALK WITH ME'
If you also recall I was a bit surprised at the simplicity in these instructions and was hoping for something a little "bigger" or more "spiritual"
I figured I should not argue.. there must be a reason for this.
I have been successful in my new routine and have reaped the rewards. Here are some of the things I've been seeing and learning:
1) I am wired for routine. I love waking up and doing the exact same thing every morning. I love to eat the exact same thing for breakfast. I love walking out the door at the exact same time every day. Like I said,I am wired for routine (ok and have a mild case of OCD). Just having a routine has helped start my days off on a good note.
2) I have seen major changes in my whole family! I think I wrote before that this saying applies to our house "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" For whatever reason my attitude can set the whole tone for our house!? Since I've begun this new routine the whole vibe in our house has changed. No more struggling to get the kids ready on time, no more yelling before the sun has risen. Instead we all sit and have breakfast together. Why? Because we have TIME! What better way to start the day. No more rushing, yelling, or slamming of doors.
3) I am learning my new routine is actually 'self discipline'. And I'm learning I apparently don't have much self discipline! Just getting to bed early is a fight but I'm learning I must discipline myself. Some mornings I wake right up and have my coffee but then I don't feel like reading my Bible but I open it regardless of what I feel like doing. This discipline has overflowed into other areas.. Cleaning up the kitchen before bed, making my bed in the morning, brushing my hair everyday (you'd be surprised the things I try to avoid doing in a day). I have a long ways to go but I'm learning. And I like it.
4) The biggest reward from all of this... Meeting with God every morning. Hearing his voice. I often think, 'I wish I heard from the Lord like So and So.' They must be so spiritual. No. They must spend time with the Lord! I've been hearing the Lord so clearly throughout my days the last week. He has given me words to encourage others with, he has prompted me to make phone calls that I wouldn't have otherwise, He's shown me the areas I really need to be working on, And he has been present throughout my day in a real way.
The original instructions of going to bed and waking up early may have seemed simple, even silly at first. But I'm seeing now how huge it is going to be in my life. In my everyday practical life, and in my spiritual journey. I think this simple act of obedience will lead to greater revelation and a deeper growth than I thought possible.
I'm excited for this journey. Excited to see where these little steps lead.
We all know what a balancing act life can be. Family, friends, work, God time, fun time, alone time. How do you prioritize? How do you make sure every area gets the proper attention? How do you avoid burn out? Do you do things to please others? Are you being selfish with your time?
I'm not writing to give you some profound answer, I'm writing because these are the questions I've been asking myself.
The last months have been quite the balancing act. I rarely feel well, so I put a lot of thought into "what will I do today?" If I choose to clean for the day, that means no going out with girlfriends in the evening. If I choose to go to the party, that means no cleaning or dinner for my family.
I'm doing my best to balance everything and everyone but it is honestly overwhelming trying to decide everyday what/who is most important. I have come to the conclusion that until the baby arrives and we are settled into our new house I need to be home. Plain and simple. Home. I need to use all my energy in being sure my family is taken care of. Clean clothes, dinner on the table, energy to play and read with the kids, not to mention packing! ..and all with a smile:)
I'm sorry if you've felt neglected by me. NOT my intention. My friends mean so much to me. But my family must come first.
I'm happy to report that my first week of hello mornings has been super successful and has helped me so much with this fine balancing act (and has also helped me come to this conclusion).
I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD to the day I can resume life as I once knew it but for now forgive me (and please take no offense) as I hunker down and love on my family for the next 6 weeks (actually give me 10 weeks as I'll need to recover, adjust to baby AND move)!
My blog and facebook shall be my lifeline until then:)
