Sunday, October 17, 2010

Make Me a Servant

Have you ever heard God speak so clearly you could not deny it was him? Have you ever wished that maybe he had said something else? For the last year and a half I've been wrestling with what I knew I heard God speaking to me. He was clearly telling me that I am called to serve my family JOYFULLY, put more time and thought into making our home a place of peace and security for my family, I am to serve my husband even on the days I don't feel like it, and I need to make hospitality a priority..even if my house isn't as fabulous as I'd like it to be.

Now obviously I love my family and they are my number one priority but in recent years I've been getting by with doing the bare minimum. You know..trying to figure out what to have for dinner at 5:30 only to realize I don't have half the ingredients the recipe calls for, so I make grilled cheese (again). Or letting the house get a tad to messy and then panicking when someone unexpectedly pulls in the driveway to visit (i dead seriously hid in my bedroom once so I didn't have to answer the door and explain the mess)! Or just having a really crappy attitude as I did my chores for the day and making my family completely miserable with me.

But God continued to speak to my spirit. Serve your family. Not because you love them but because you love me and I am calling you to this. Serve me by serving them. I heard him but WAIT! I have other plans God!! Bigger, better plans!! I have dreams and hopes and I think you could REALLY use me in this other area (an area where people would see me and praise me). Don't you want to give me the desires of my heart? My desire is not to be June Clever. I will love my family and take care of them but I also want to be out in this broken, hurting world making a difference..not washing dishes 4x's a day in the seclusion of my tiny house.

Just recently I decided that if God has spent a year trying to get my attention on this matter then maybe there was good reason. Maybe I should hear him out and give this "serving my family" thing a try. So I decided I would wake up the next day at the crack of dawn, prepare a hot breakfast, clean furiously all day, taking a break only to prepare our meal from scratch, and of course I needed a dessert! I did all these things..but I was overwhelmed with feelings of stress, anger, anxiety, annoyance, etc, etc. I had decided to take action and serve but my heart was not that of a servants. God wanted a servants heart not just the service. Now what?

I laid it at HIS feet. I asked him to transform my heart. I asked him to fill me with his joy. I asked him to fill me with the desire to serve my family the way he was asking me to. Can you guess what happened? Yep, slowly but surely I began to feel a change. It didn't happen overnight and I'm still allowing him to work in me and change me but I can honestly say, I find great joy in making a hot, yummy meal for my family every night. I enjoy getting up early to get the coffee brewing so I can pour a cup for Andy. I enjoy serving my kids by just sitting on the floor and reading to them or playing their favorite game. I enjoy bringing glory to God by washing my dishes with a happy heart. I no longer think God has asked me to serve my family as a punishment or to make me miserable. I think he just wants to show me more of who he is. Jesus was a servant. His heart was that of a servant's. He did everything he did to bring glory to his Father. If I want to be more like Christ (which is my greatest desire) than I need to be willing to die to myself everyday and put my family above my dreams, hopes, and desires. God knows my desires and I truly believe that someday he WILL use me in those areas but if I can't humbly serve here in my home for the people I love the most than how can he possibly use me to serve outside of my home to a hurting world?

I love the ways of God. I love that he knows what we need and even if correction is what we need he does it with such gentleness and love. And BOY is he patient!!! :)

So what is God speaking to you? Are you listening or stubbornly standing your ground?


PS Have a testimony to share? I seriously would love to hear how God has/or is moving in your heart and life! Let's encourage one another!


  1. Wow Sarah. Really needed that. I will be praying that God works the same changes in my heart b/c I feel like you thoughts were mine the whole time I'm reading this! Love you! And so excited to see God's work in you life!

  2. Found you through the Raising Homemakers link-up!

    This is amazing! I really feel like this topic has also been something the Lord is putting on my heart as well. I don't have a problem DOING the work, but my attitude needs a change. I want that servant's heart as well. Very beautiful post-thanks for sharing!


  3. I agree with the previous posts! Those same things could have come out of mouth. Boy am I struggling with being Joyful. Thank you for your post. It really spoke to my heart. God Bless you.

  4. Thanks for this. It really blessed me & reminded me to get off the computyer so I can start a yummy dinner!! Well said!

  5. Wow! That was just what I needed to hear. I'm glad that I'm not the only one going through this. Thanks. :)

  6. this is beautiful. i needed to read and reread this today... thank you for sharing your heart!

  7. Sarah,
    Just found your blog - love it! Thanks so much for your honesty in these posts, and sharing your heart. Not only do I still like you, I think you're pounding another nail in the coffin of pride and perfectionism when you share so openly. Keep it coming! Love, Bethany (another struggling-for-victory people-pleaser/perfectionist) : )

  8. great job being real, girl! mis.