Now obviously I love my family and they are my number one priority but in recent years I've been getting by with doing the bare minimum. You know..trying to figure out what to have for dinner at 5:30 only to realize I don't have half the ingredients the recipe calls for, so I make grilled cheese (again). Or letting the house get a tad to messy and then panicking when someone unexpectedly pulls in the driveway to visit (i dead seriously hid in my bedroom once so I didn't have to answer the door and explain the mess)! Or just having a really crappy attitude as I did my chores for the day and making my family completely miserable with me.
But God continued to speak to my spirit. Serve your family. Not because you love them but because you love me and I am calling you to this. Serve me by serving them. I heard him but WAIT! I have other plans God!! Bigger, better plans!! I have dreams and hopes and I think you could REALLY use me in this other area (an area where people would see me and praise me). Don't you want to give me the desires of my heart? My desire is not to be June Clever. I will love my family and take care of them but I also want to be out in this broken, hurting world making a difference..not washing dishes 4x's a day in the seclusion of my tiny house.
Just recently I decided that if God has spent a year trying to get my attention on this matter then maybe there was good reason. Maybe I should hear him out and give this "serving my family" thing a try. So I decided I would wake up the next day at the crack of dawn, prepare a hot breakfast, clean furiously all day, taking a break only to prepare our meal from scratch, and of course I needed a dessert! I did all these things..but I was overwhelmed with feelings of stress, anger, anxiety, annoyance, etc, etc. I had decided to take action and serve but my heart was not that of a servants. God wanted a servants heart not just the service. Now what?
I laid it at HIS feet. I asked him to transform my heart. I asked him to fill me with his joy. I asked him to fill me with the desire to serve my family the way he was asking me to. Can you guess what happened? Yep, slowly but surely I began to feel a change. It didn't happen overnight and I'm still allowing him to work in me and change me but I can honestly say, I find great joy in making a hot, yummy meal for my family every night. I enjoy getting up early to get the coffee brewing so I can pour a cup for Andy. I enjoy serving my kids by just sitting on the floor and reading to them or playing their favorite game. I enjoy bringing glory to God by washing my dishes with a happy heart. I no longer think God has asked me to serve my family as a punishment or to make me miserable. I think he just wants to show me more of who he is. Jesus was a servant. His heart was that of a servant's. He did everything he did to bring glory to his Father. If I want to be more like Christ (which is my greatest desire) than I need to be willing to die to myself everyday and put my family above my dreams, hopes, and desires. God knows my desires and I truly believe that someday he WILL use me in those areas but if I can't humbly serve here in my home for the people I love the most than how can he possibly use me to serve outside of my home to a hurting world?
I love the ways of God. I love that he knows what we need and even if correction is what we need he does it with such gentleness and love. And BOY is he patient!!! :)
So what is God speaking to you? Are you listening or stubbornly standing your ground?
PS Have a testimony to share? I seriously would love to hear how God has/or is moving in your heart and life! Let's encourage one another!