Sunday, October 24, 2010

taking off the mask.

Do you care what people think about you? Do you want everyone to like you? Do you hope to impress others with your mothering skills, your charm, or even your latest blog posting??? I don't. HA! I unfortunately care about some of these things TOO much. I'm 30 (almost 31) years old and I still want EVERYONE to like me. I cannot sleep if I know someone is mad at me or just plain doesn't like me. Why do I care? Um, good question. I also secretly hope that everyone thinks I have it together. I do not (shocking, I know). Hence the name of my blog..beautiful MESS!

I am currently learning the art of striving for excellence vs. perfectionism. I am also learning who I am in Christ. I'm learning to care only what God thinks of me and desires from me...not what all 400 facebook friends think of me. I'm finding so much rest in that. It is completely and totally exhausting to try to please everyone (not to mention completely and totally pointless).

So I really didn't want to go deep into this subject (sorry for the rambles...I really can't help it sometimes) but was hoping to make light of my short-comings and expose some of my imperfections--you know just put it out there--you may love me after this, you may be annoyed, you may relate, or you may think I'm odd..but that's OKAY! It's me. I don't want to live behind a mask. I don't want to play pretend. SO...

(this is scary

1. I ramble..a lot

2. I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life (probably caused from trying to please/impress everyone) -- although I am finding great victory in this area after receiving prayer and healing!

3. My bedroom often looks like that of a 15 year old. I just can't keep it clean??

4. I found 5 empty water bottles in my purse yesterday (better than last year, when I found a hamburger in it..remember that!?)

5. I have a learning disability. I'm still mortified about it to this day and try to keep that on the down low but there ya go..

6. I'm super impatient

7. I make up scenarios in my head that have never happened and probably never will happen but I plan out what I am going to say if/when this scenario plays out. Does anyone else do that? (I know one of you who does, but won't mention names:))

8. I used to drink (a lot) for fun but also to keep my anxiety and depression at bay (it didn't really work all that well, if you can imagine that)

9. I would have a unibrow if it wasn't for the fabulous invention of tweezers

10. I'm hoping the majority of you still like me after reading this! :o)

So there. I'm not perfect. Never will be (on this side of heaven anyway). And I no longer want to strive to be perfect, or to be loved by all. I'm just gonna strive to please HIM. Strive to be more like him. Strive to be who HE created me to be.


  1. Thanks for posting a bit of your inner self for all of us. The cool thing is (okay..well not cool, but you know what I mean) is that we ALL struggle with things and that non of us are perfect. Everyone has their own hurts and hang ups, but we can all finding healing and grace through Christ. We are all in this together. I can totally relate to number 3 and a few other ones ;)

  2. Thank you for sharing. I feel like this everyday, and at the end of everyday I am the one still hurting b/c of trying to please everyone but myself. I, too, am still trying to find my way in Christ's eyes.
    FYI: the blog is in Keith's name, but it is me Alicia that posted this.

  3. OMG! We are practically sisters! Dearest, I think all of those are things that I deal with or do/think! (and more) Maybe that's why we're such kindred spirits!!! :) Oh, doesn't that smiley face look cute in this type/font? :) Ooh, there's another one! Anyway, DO love you! Wish I had the courage to write stuff like this! But I think you have a touch of a writer in you! So good with words you are! :) Ooh, there's another one!

  4. We're all a work in progress, Sarah! I got honest with the Lord about some things last night. The good news is we are walking out this verse:

    Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. Phil. 1:6

    P.S. Thanks for the belly pic...I was waiting for that! :)