hope for the anxious.

It's been so long since I've written a blog post that I couldn't find my own blog!

Then once I found it I realized the baby in my photo is now 3

and we've added a baby!!

I'm not looking to start blogging again

I just wanted to share something and it was too long for a Facebook post.

Most of you will not care too much about this and that's fine.

But I wanted to share for the many people who have text me, 

messaged me and asked me about my journey with anxiety

as many of you are (unfortunately) on a similar journey.

I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember.

I didn't identify that it was anxiety until my 20's

but looking back it's always been there.

I somehow got labeled as "laid back" when I was young.

I guess I appear that way most of the time.

Inside however I am far from laid back!

Inside I have a feeling of a constant adrenaline rush.

It never stops.

It's exhausting.

There have been days that I feared my body would literally shut down from the exhaustion.

A few years ago I began a mild anxiety medication.

It worked wonders!

I experienced relief for the first time.

However, over the last 9 months my anxiety went from a constant 5 to a constant 10!

It was literally debilitating.

I would curl up in bed and listen to worship music for hours.

I quit the worship team because I could hardly get up on the stage to sing anymore.

(I quickly came to my senses though knowing I couldn't live without leading worship 

and begged Gary to let me back on the team!)

Things seemed dire and I told Andy I needed to do something immediately.

My body couldn't handle the endless anxiety.

I called my family doctor who prescribed me a stronger anxiety medication.

YES! 

No.

This medication turned me into a zombie.

I could hardly keep my eyes open through out the day.

Someone with 4 kids needs to keep their eyes open!

I was so discouraged and losing hope that I'd ever find relief.

I asked Andy to call Phil Haven and have me checked in.

I seriously asked him to do that.

(OK maybe I just wanted a vacay from the kids but whatever..)

With the recommendation from a dear friend we found a counselor and made an appointment.

For the record, I think EVERYONE could benefit from counseling!

Andy came with me and afterwards said,

"I didn't think I was one for counseling but I loved that!"

Talking brings healing.

The first question my counselor asked was "do you exercise regularly?"

Um. No.

His reply.

" YOU MUST."

Exercise is a must for anyone struggling with anxiety (and I would imagine depression).

I went to the YMCA that night with my fitness freak father :)

It felt so good.

Andy and I joined the gym the next week.

I.FEEL.AMAZING.

I have been working out 5/6 days a week for 3 weeks.

My anxiety has gone from a 10 to a 2.

THAT IS INCREDIBLE!

Why had my family doctor (who I love by the way) never suggested this?

Why was he so quick to drug me?

I think it's just what we do in America.

 For years I've searched for relief using:

Drugs

Alcohol

Food

Medication

and anything else that I thought would make me feel better, if even for a few short moments.

I've never experienced anything like the high I get from a good workout!

I have finally found the relief I have been searching for.

If you are struggling with anxiety or depression

I highly, highly encourage you to start a daily workout routine.

I know everyone is different and everyone's journey will look different

but I am confident that exercising will help anyone struggling with mental health.

And I am hopeful it will also get me back into my skinny jeans! HA. 

As you continue your journey and I continue mine,

I hope that the stigma of anxiety and depression can be broken.

That's a huge reason I'm even writing this. 

I KNOW for a fact I am not alone.

And there is hope and healing for all of us struggling!

I am moving forward with the help of My (loving, patient) God, my amazing husband, counselor, family and friends, prayer warriors, and my new passion for exercise!

Don't keep your struggle a secret.

Ask a trusted family member or friend to pray with you.

Seek help from a counselor who can help you work through things.

And never walk in shame because you're struggling.

OK, my baby needs to eat so I gotta run!

Then I"m off to the gym for a Warehouse Workout!!

Praying peace, healing, hope and joy over all of you who are struggling!

much love.