Monday, January 2, 2012

i'm learning

Well hi there!
Long time no see.

Trusting you all had a nice Christmas and New Years with your family and friends.
I did.

Today I have set up shop on the couch,
a regular occurrence these days.
I'm frustrated,
another regular occurrence.
I'm a few months into treatment for my Lyme Disease.
I was hoping to feel well by now but no such luck.
Lyme disease is one of the main reason I have stopped blogging.
The disease has done quite a number on my brain.
I have a lot of trouble putting thoughts together, spelling, staying focused, etc.
(never knew lyme effected the brain).

I am going to attempt to blog again in hopes of keeping my spirits up!
Please have grace.
If I make no sense or if my spelling is completely off..
don't tell me! Just bear with me!


As I fight this disease I am learning a lot.
I decided early on I will not let this disease destroy me or
allow it to take me to that dark place of depression I've been so many times before.
It's a fight, that's for sure, but I WILL fight and I will use this time to learn and grow
and strengthen myself in the Lord!
(take that Satan! ha!)

Here's a few things I'm learning..

I'm learning humility as I cannot take on my daily tasks and need to ask people to help me.
Those people being YOU!
People cleaning our house, making our meals, washing my underwear!
Oh, it's so, so humbling.

I'm learning to let go of my perfectionistic ways.
My house is usually a disaster these days,
as is my appearance!
I love my home to be clean, inviting, a place that others want to be.
I'm learning however that others don't care if my home is just so --
they feel welcomed not when my home is perfect but when
I open the door with a hug and smile.
They don't need fresh apple pie and hot apple cider,
They don't need me to be dolled up with make up and my finest garb.
I'm finding people actually prefer when I come to the door in my sweats,
and they seem relieved as they step over toys
because they realize they aren't the only ones
with legos, doll babies, and shoes all over the place!
That has been freeing!

I'm learning God loves me just because I am,
not for what I do.
I hate not being able to serve others.
I hate that I am being served on a daily basis yet I cannot return the blessing.
I feel useless.
A pointless blob on her couch.
I want to save the world, you know!?!
I desperately want to adopt more precious children and give them a forever home!
I desperately want to travel the world singing God's praises!
I desperately want to be the woman God has called and created me to be!
How can I do these things from my couch?!
I can't.
But I'm learning -- He still loves me.
It's actually been through all of this that I've begun to really know
the depths of his love for me!
THAT, my friends, has been amazing.
And that, my friends, keeps me going.

He has proven himself faithful to me in the past,
He has never left me to flounder.
And although I wonder why he has not chosen to heal me,
I trust that he is doing something far greater than I can possibly imagine!
He is a good God, who has good plans for me (and you)!
So I will trust and I will wait and I will continue to learn and grow.

I pray (from my couch) that whatever season you are in right now,
that you are able to rest in his goodness,
I pray you will know the depths of his love,
And have the faith to trust in his promises.

The words above may sound cliche',
but there is nothing cliche' about knowing, really knowing
his goodness, his love, and having complete faith in his promises.
It's life changing!

Thank you, Jesus!

Thank you for listening to my ramblings!
It feels good to write my thoughts out again.
Although I must admit my brain hurts (literally hurts).
I'm sensing a nap is needed.

I hope to write again soon!
We shall see..


  1. You know, I have been wondering about you. Shame on me for not just leaving a comment on one of your old posts and letting you know it.
    Today as I logged into my Dashboard, what a wonderful suprise awaited me. The news of it was not particularly happy, but the hard moment-by-moment choices I see you have/are making are completely inspiring, completely unsurprising coming from you, a woman I so admire.

    Let me just say first off: I AM SO SORRY you have to walk this road. I know many have had far worse things happen, but let us forsake the comparison game for a moment. Lymes Disease, and from the sounds of it, you have a doozy of a version of it, is just plain sucky. I can only imagine the struggle.

    The is certainly making you more beautiful than you already strikingly were. Who cares if there are typos...KEEP WRITING. It'll be good for you and a gift to the rest of us who can't wait to hear your heart.

    Love to you,

  2. Ps. I love, LOVE, LOVE your family picture!!! Did Shar do that?? You look, simply put, stunning.

  3. Hey J! So good to hear from you! I seriously think of you everyday! Miss ya. Thanks for the words of bless me:) And the pic was taken by my good friend Jolyn Esh (she's actually friends with Shar too)! Hope we can stay connected through blogging! Or shoot me an email sometime and give me a status update! ;)

  4. I just saw you pop up in the #hellomornings stream and wanted to see how you have been. Praying for you in this season of trial. Trusting HIs grace to be sufficient. Believing His Word to be alive and active in you. Blessings.

  5. Do you text? Curt just bought me an Android. email me at with your cell and i'll send you occasional status updates. Disclaimer: I am much freer with my thoughts with a limited audience than I was on facebook. it could get downright dicey. ;)

  6. Sarah - beautifully put... I never would have guessed from reading your post that you were struggling with phrasing or any grammar type issues. Praying for you and that God would use this time to somehow glorify Him.

  7. Oh Sarah, I missed your Oct post about Lyme. Such a hard disease. Several people I love very much struggle with it and it manifests uniquely in everyone. And yes, definitely it affects your brain!! I am so glad you have an answer and so glad you are taking care of yourself, and letting others care for you as well. You are precious and a gift. And oh that photo of your family... stunning.