Monday, October 15, 2012


It's Monday afternoon.
The last week and weekend have been rough.
I've been suffering from debilitating anxiety.
Debilitating as in:
I don't want to leave my husband's side ..
(poor guy)
I don't want to hang out with friends or chat on the phone.
I skipped church. 
I dread the grocery store.
On and on.

I've always suffered from anxiety but found healing 
from it a couple of years ago, through prayer and medication.
(GASP! Sarah takes medication!? Poor soul. Must be one of those crazies.)
{what's with the stigma with depression and anxiety anyway?! If I had diabetes I would control it with medication, correct? Correct. So leave your judgements here.}
This last month has been draining for me.
I realized yesterday I have been pouring out to others but not taking the time to refill and refresh myself.
I've been carrying the load of life all by myself.
That's enough to give anyone anxiety!
Last night I heard God calling.
He said "Come." 
I didn't feel like it.
Not only didn't I want to chat on the phone but I didn't want to chat with God.
Leave me alone, Lord, I just want to watch Grey's Anatomy.
He said "OK."
Then I felt bad.
OK, Lord what can I do for you?
"How about what can I do for YOU, Sarah?
I want to help. I want to carry this burden, this load.
I've been waiting for you to ask"
So I simply said,
Lord, forgive me for trying to conquer the world on my own.
I need you. I need only you. Only by your strength can I live.
Come and fill this heart with your peace.
Give me strength for tomorrow.
Be my source.
Today has been a good day.
Let him help you today.
He's just waiting for you to ask.

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