truth be told

Most of you know I woke up a few weeks ago
and decided to rip my kitchen apart
so I could paint the cabinets and walls.
It's still ripped apart.
We're getting there!

Today someone at church said to me,
"You're amazing! How do you do it all!?"
Well --
I don't.
Please, please don't think I have it all together,
or that I'm some super woman,
or that I'm painting in heels with perfect hair
(although I know Andy would enjoy that..)

I never, ever want to give that impression!
I never want to pressure others to do it all
because they think everyone else is doing it all!
We can't do it all!
If we choose to paint our kitchen
then chances are the laundry isn't getting done,
and chances are pizza is being ordered far too often,
and chance are socks are being pulled out of the hamper
(eww. I would never do that...)

So here is my house.
This is exactly what it looks like as I sit here and type.
Maybe I should be cleaning?
Nah,
It's Sunday.

The Kitchen

The Dining Room

The Laundry Room
I mean Living Room

The Foyer
WELCOME!

And sadly
My Bathroom

There.
Feel better?

for the men

My last post was about true beauty.
Encouraging women (myself included)
not to listen to the lie the world is telling us about beauty
but instead to seek after the heart of God and allow him
to shine through us, making us beautiful.

Both women and men are bombarded daily
with images of what the world says is beautiful.
Tall, thin, blond...perfect.
We women think this is what you men want!
We are striving to be that perfect woman.
We desperately want to please and satisfy our husbands.
Yet we (or at least I) feel like I fail on a daily basis
because I will never be the perfect woman.
If tall, thin, blond is what Andy wants well I'm plum out of luck..
I'm a 5'0, brunette, who will never be a size 2 again.

Is that what you want, guys?
The perfect looking woman.

Andy assures me this is not what men want.
{not what he wants}

But guys..
YOU HAVE TO TELLS US THAT.

Recently, Andy told me that the least important thing to him is my physical beauty.
He would much rather a kind, gracious, humble, loving, gentle wife
than one who was drop dead gorgeous but possessed none of the above attributes.

I will admit..
this was shocking to me.
Seriously.
I just assume men are after the physical beauty.

We need your encouragement guys!
Encourage us to run after God!
Encourage us to cultivate inner beauty!
Tell us you think it's beautiful when we are kind and respectful!
Express your appreciation for an encouraging, supportive wife!
Tell us gentleness is beautiful!

We need to hear this.
We hear lies all day,
if not from the world than from our own minds!
We need truth spoken over us!
Speak truth and life to our hearts!

And since we are complicated creatures
we also need to hear that we are physically beautiful to you.
Regardless of our cellulite, our scars, our rolls, our wrinkles.
We need to know that we are adored.
We are cherished.
We need to know that you are proud to have us on your arm.

Your words of truth and encouragement
will dramatically change the way your wife views herself.
It will dramatically change her confidence,
and that my friends will dramatically change other areas
{if you catch my drift *wink, wink*}

Be men who run after God,
lead your wife!

Now go tell your wife she's beautiful!
:)

beauty

A few nights ago Andy and I
were relaxing together by watching some TV.
I wasn't really into whatever we were watching
but was enjoying some time to think of nothing.
{i have been praying for a "nothing box" --
it seems my prayers have fallen on deaf ears:)}
Just as I was drifting into nothingness,
a commercial came on that grabbed my attention:

"Are you considering lipo-suction but can't afford it?
Well no worries! We have the answer in this small pill!
It may cause a heart attack, you may go blind,
you will be moody and an absolute @&*!# to anyone who looks at you,
BUT you will be skinny! You will be beautiful! You will be happy!"

There goes my nothing box.
I was instantly in deep thought which turned to deep sadness.
THIS is what we care about.
THIS is what we spend our money on.
THIS is what consumes our thoughts.
THIS is what we think will bring us happiness.
being skinny. being beautiful.

Tragic.

It's not tragic that we want to be beautiful,
what's tragic is what we think beauty is!

The Lord has really been challenging me in this area.
I'm a 32 year old mother of 3,
my best days are behind me.
Or so I thought!

Yes, I've discovered some wrinkles on my forehead,
a chin hair (or 2) , I have cellulite, scars from surgeries,
and a six pack somewhere under the layer of fat.

But I'm realizing I'm gaining something besides weight!
I'm gaining confidence.
Not in myself, but in who God created me to be.
And I assure you God is not focused on my appearance.
He's looking at my heart.

I'm finding beauty comes
when I'm seeking to be more like Christ.
When I've surrender anxiety and fear -- I radiate
When I choose grace instead of anger -- I radiate
When I love the unlovable -- I radiate
When I place all hope in HIM -- I radiate
When I'm running hard after God -- I radiate

HE is beautiful,
the more I'm going after His heart the more his beauty rubs off.

There is a woman at my church who has shown me what true beauty is.
The Lord has repeatedly highlighted her to me.
SHE GLOWS.
Seriously.
She is like a magnet!
I just want to be near her.
She is battling cancer right now,
yet she is radiating peace, joy, and hope.
Christ just shines through her!
THAT is beautiful.

Let's stop focusing SO.MUCH. of our energy and our thinking
on our outward appearance.
Let's focus our thoughts on Him!
He will shine through us if we allow him,
and then we will radiate his infectious beauty!

'What matters is not your outer appearance -- the styling of your hair,
the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes --
but your inner disposition.
Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.'
~ 1 Peter 3:3-4

I love that!
Cultivate inner beauty....

What a challenge.

Let's make it our mission to change the definition of beauty.
May God highlight US to encourage the young women we encounter!

i'm learning

Well hi there!
Long time no see.

Trusting you all had a nice Christmas and New Years with your family and friends.
I did.

Today I have set up shop on the couch,
a regular occurrence these days.
I'm frustrated,
another regular occurrence.
I'm a few months into treatment for my Lyme Disease.
I was hoping to feel well by now but no such luck.
Lyme disease is one of the main reason I have stopped blogging.
The disease has done quite a number on my brain.
I have a lot of trouble putting thoughts together, spelling, staying focused, etc.
(never knew lyme effected the brain).

I am going to attempt to blog again in hopes of keeping my spirits up!
Please have grace.
If I make no sense or if my spelling is completely off..
don't tell me! Just bear with me!

********************************

As I fight this disease I am learning a lot.
I decided early on I will not let this disease destroy me or
allow it to take me to that dark place of depression I've been so many times before.
It's a fight, that's for sure, but I WILL fight and I will use this time to learn and grow
and strengthen myself in the Lord!
(take that Satan! ha!)

Here's a few things I'm learning..


I'm learning humility as I cannot take on my daily tasks and need to ask people to help me.
Those people being YOU!
People cleaning our house, making our meals, washing my underwear!
Oh, it's so, so humbling.

I'm learning to let go of my perfectionistic ways.
My house is usually a disaster these days,
as is my appearance!
I love my home to be clean, inviting, a place that others want to be.
I'm learning however that others don't care if my home is just so --
they feel welcomed not when my home is perfect but when
I open the door with a hug and smile.
They don't need fresh apple pie and hot apple cider,
They don't need me to be dolled up with make up and my finest garb.
I'm finding people actually prefer when I come to the door in my sweats,
and they seem relieved as they step over toys
because they realize they aren't the only ones
with legos, doll babies, and shoes all over the place!
That has been freeing!

I'm learning God loves me just because I am,
not for what I do.
I hate not being able to serve others.
I hate that I am being served on a daily basis yet I cannot return the blessing.
I feel useless.
A pointless blob on her couch.
I want to save the world, you know!?!
I desperately want to adopt more precious children and give them a forever home!
I desperately want to travel the world singing God's praises!
I desperately want to be the woman God has called and created me to be!
How can I do these things from my couch?!
I can't.
But I'm learning -- He still loves me.
It's actually been through all of this that I've begun to really know
the depths of his love for me!
THAT, my friends, has been amazing.
And that, my friends, keeps me going.

He has proven himself faithful to me in the past,
He has never left me to flounder.
And although I wonder why he has not chosen to heal me,
I trust that he is doing something far greater than I can possibly imagine!
He is a good God, who has good plans for me (and you)!
So I will trust and I will wait and I will continue to learn and grow.

I pray (from my couch) that whatever season you are in right now,
that you are able to rest in his goodness,
I pray you will know the depths of his love,
And have the faith to trust in his promises.

The words above may sound cliche',
but there is nothing cliche' about knowing, really knowing
his goodness, his love, and having complete faith in his promises.
It's life changing!

Thank you, Jesus!

Thank you for listening to my ramblings!
It feels good to write my thoughts out again.
Although I must admit my brain hurts (literally hurts).
I'm sensing a nap is needed.

I hope to write again soon!
We shall see..

ticked.

Thanks for the prayers!

We got our answer.
I do in fact have Lyme disease.
They also found several co-infections
from that nasty little tick.

We are grateful for answers.
A tad discouraged at the lengthy recovery we face.
1-3 years of treatment.
SAY WHAT!?

But I choose to be thankful there IS a treatment.
Thank you for your friendship and prayers!

And Jeane' if you're reading this--
OH HOW I MISS YOU! ;)

prayers please!

I need your prayers friends.

I am not feeling well.
I have not been feeling well for about year.
What we thought was just a terrible pregnancy
has turned into....
well we don't know what.
I do know I am sick and/or in pain on a daily basis.

I have kept this on the down low for a few reasons
{mainly because I don't like talking about it}
(hint, hint)
but have decided I need to ask for prayer.
I believe in the power of prayer.
I have seen many healings first hand.
My husband being one of those -- he was healed from chronic back pain.
So why wouldn't I ask!?

I have an appointment on Monday with a Lyme Disease "Specialist"
Please pray I find answers.
A solution.
Relief.

I know when people are sick we want to help.
For now we are fine on food and child care
{i could use a cleaning lady..any takers ;)}

You can help by simply praying if I come to your mind
{especially for my upcoming appointment}
Thank you friends.

big news

Big announcement!

I'm pregnant!!!!


kidding.


Our CD project is finally complete!

Living For Eternity
(by petra christian fellowship)
is now available on iTunes
or (if you're local)
you can purchase a CD from me
for $13

So much hard work by so many people went into this album.
We'd love for you to check it out!